I miss his name in conversation. His name was SAM, it's okay to say it. PLEASE say it.
I don't need you to have the answers. I sometimes just need you to listen.
Lunch will not make me feel better, lunch has made me gain ten pounds.
If we didn't go to lunch before Sam passed, I don't want to go with you now.
I don't want to go to your kid's birthday party, or baby shower, or anything else that celebrates what I can not. Please understand.
Do not recommend a movie that involves a kid who came back from the dead, because you think I need to know there's a heaven. REALLY.
Just because I prefer to be home, in my garden with my animals does not mean I am going to put a gun to my head, or need counseling. I happen to like my animals better than most people.
Be prepared that if you ask me how I am, I will tell you. And depending on the day, it may not be pretty.
Insensitive comments such as, "So, you guys are doing OK?" Will get you the answer you deserve.
Do not compare my grief to yours, or that of anyone else. Everyone's grief journey is unique. Not right or wrong, but unique to them.
I appreciate a random text or card in the mailbox more than ever. It reminds me that I'm not alone.
Remembering significant dates lets me know that Sam mattered to you.
I realize that to some, Sam's passing was little more than a blip on their radar. For me, it was a life shattering, ever present event from which I think I will never recover. It is my hope that one day I will learn to cope with this hole that will remain forever in my heart.
I've read each of these entries and I feel really honored and lucky for it.
ReplyDeleteI regret that so much time has passed since my first memories of knowing you. I regret that the last time we saw each other was that day at the track when Bosque Redondo broke down. But I regret most of all that I never met Sam. That I never went out of my way to meet him is really shitty on my part.
I am so grateful you and Buck found each other and so happy to know that Sam had such an awesome woman for a mom and that you had such a perfect boy for a son.
xoxox
No regrets. Life takes us on a journey for a reason...who would have thought that a thing called Facebook would bring us back together?
DeleteThank you for your lovely compliments. I truly am a lucky girl. I hope to see you soon.
xox to you!