If grief were a fictional character...Tell me who you are?

It was about a month after Sam passed when I heard a gentle knock on the door. I didn't recognize the face, but in an odd way I was familiar with this stranger. I invited him in and said "I've been expecting you." I asked him why he took so long to come and he replied, "I've been here for a while. Your grief began long before your boy went away, but you haven't needed me until now." Really, "needed you", what did that mean?

Days turned into weeks and he no longer felt like a stranger, in fact, as he settled in I grew quite comfortable having him around. I found myself sometimes hiding behind him to avoid having to deal with well meaning, yet intrusive outsiders. Most days we got along, but there would be times when he really pissed me off. He made me tired and angry, I became impatient with those I love. Other times my new friend brought me comfort, giving me permission to spend quiet days alone. But I never felt completely alone.

One day after I realized he had unpacked and was planning to stay a while, I found the courage to ask him something I had been wondering about since the first day we met. "What did you mean by my grief starting before Sam passed?" He looked at me and said, "You have been mourning for your son since the day he was born. First you mourned the loss of your healthy child, the one you prayed for every night of your pregnancy. Then, when he went into heart failure and you knew you would lose him, you mourned once again.....for the boy you had nurtured, and cared for, and loved for all those years." "Where were you then?" I asked. "Why were you not with me then, giving me permission to grieve?" "You would not have let me in" he said.