Our family tree has been shaken, uprooted. I feel as though I am stuck between winter and spring, branches trying to bud, then suddenly they are hit by a late frost. I have glimpses of spring but I never seem to bloom.
Sam was my spring, a breath of fresh air and always in full bloom...always. Even when he was sick, he had a smile, and the energy to convince me to read one more book or do one more puzzle. Why can't I summon that kind of energy, channel his spirit? Instead, I am apathetic and tired.
Loss has torn up my roots and changed our family's dynamic. I am no longer grounded, I don't know my place or function. The three of us were so good together...complete. Now I am haunted by the feeling that there is always something missing. SOMEONE is always missing.
It is winter now, but I hold on to the HOPE that spring will come.
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